Sunday Morning Funnies: Lexophiles!

 An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile (word games). 

This year's submissions: 

 

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

 

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

 

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

 

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians' Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.

 

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time

 

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

 

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

 

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

 

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

 

A will is a dead giveaway.

 

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

 

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

 

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

 

A bicycle can't stand alone: it's just two tired.

 

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

 

He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

 

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

 

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

 

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

 

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

 

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

 

When chemists die, they barium.

 

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

 

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

 

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.