Sunday Morning Funnies!

 After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came to see a therapist. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"

"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."

***

 At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, “Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?”

“Yes, coach,” replied the little boy.

“Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together, as a team?”

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

“So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, or curse, or attack the umpire, or call him an asshole. 

Do you understand all that? 

Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative.

The coach continued, “And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play, we don’t call that 'a dumbass decision' or that it means that the coach is 'a shithead', right??” 

“Yes, coach.”

“Good”, said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.”