Saturday Morning Confusion: No, this is not Ukraine

This is Chechnya.

In 1999, the Russians erased the capital Grozny. But three years before that, Russia signed a peace treaty with the Chechens. They already lost the war and needed a break. Only to come back and kill up to 300,000 Chechens, 25% of the entire small but proud nation that simply wanted freedom.

This is how peace talks with Moscow always end.

Meanwhile, back in the good 'ol U.S. of A!

Trump is not ‘mentally, emotionally or morally fit to be president’: Conservative lawyer George Conway!

Saturday Morning Confusion: A Ukrainian Daycare!

 

Does Ukraine have any chance of surviving the war?

One of our readers asked this question:

Does Ukraine have any chance of surviving the war, considering they have a literal comedian as their president?

Allan: (This was the original plan!)

No, Ukraine has zero chance, and here’s what’s going to happen. (Remember - you saw it here first! :-)

1. Russians will attack with several very large columns of armour down main roads, quickly taking key cities and infrastructure points
2. Russia will advance shock troops and seize airports, railroads, bridges and so forth
3. The Russian air force will suppress the Ukrainians’ ability to operate or move its own resources
4. The Russian navy will control the Black Sea, preventing the export of Ukrainian grains and materials, and starving the few Ukrainians who might resist into submission.
5. NATO, paralyzed by fear and infighting, will not react at all, or only very slowly.
6. Without critical Russian energy resources, world markets will panic, prices will skyrocket, and the few nations who might be upset by Russia’s actions will be forced to come to terms anyway
7. Millions of people living in Ukraine, but loyal to Russia will rise up and assist from the inside - helping Russians advance, providing care and cover for Russian soldiers, tossing flowers upon the triumphant liberators as they take city after city from the Nazi…er Jewish Nazi (eh…huh?) er… Ukrainian dictator despots who are not the real leaders of Ukraine anyway
8. Once victory is quickly secured, Vladimir Putin will arrive by expensive private jet. He will land in Kyiv and be greeted by throngs of loving and ebullient Ukrainians, who have eagerly longed for his arrival. More flowers and praise. Much hugging of Russians by Ukrainians, photo ops galore!
9. Putin will receive international acclaim…perhaps even the Nobel Peace Prize. He will be invited to solemnly speak at the United Nations on the importance of nation-building and will be knighted for his work to root out those Nazi-Jew (WTF?) /Ukrainian false rulers who were elected by a confused and misled Ukrainian people.
10. Grateful Europeans will get their low-cost Russian natural gas and will rejoice again. Why? because we all know Europeans are not very tough and don’t know how to suffer or sacrifice or band together to fight a common enemy, and just want to be warm. (Especially the Scotts, who are particularly weak in this area.)
11. MOST OF ALL - The United States of America will be humiliated on the world stage, as all her power and military technology will be proven to be inferior, both to the Russian will to win and unable to compete with superior Russian military strategy and technology.

That’s it. The entire plan…REVEALED. Right here!

(P.S. --- Soooo….how’s that working out for you, Mr. Putin?)

K. Lynch

Ukraine Has Experimental Mutant Troops!

Psssst! Wanna know why Russia is losing the war they started against Ukraine!

Nearly five months into its senseless war against Ukraine, Russia has concocted a wild new explanation for why the Kremlin’s plans for a quick takeover fell apart so spectacularly—because Ukrainian troops were turned into superhuman killing machines during “secret experiments” in American-run biolabs, of course.

Never mind the myriad reports of Russian troops refusing to fight by the thousands, sabotaging their own shoddy equipment and even deliberately wounding themselves to abandon the war, Russian lawmakers claim the real setback for Moscow was “drugged up” Ukrainian soldiers.

That claim was made Monday by two Russian lawmakers heading up a commission to investigate “biolaboratories” in Ukraine, Kommersant reported.

Konstantin Kosachev, the deputy speaker of Russia’s Federation Council, and Irina Yarovaya, deputy chair of the State Duma, touted what they described as bombshell findings from the “investigation.”

Testing of Ukrainian POWs’ blood, they claimed, uncovered “a range of diseases” that suggest they were secretly experimented on “for military purposes.”

“And we see: the cruelty and barbarity with which the military personnel of Ukraine behave, the crimes that they commit against the civilian population, those monstrous crimes that they commit against prisoners of war, confirm that this system for the control and creation of a cruel murder machine was implemented under the management of the United States,” Yarovaya was quoted telling reporters.

To mask, or not to mask!