ALLAN:
The world is extending its deepest sympathies to an Olympic hopeful whose dreams were dashed on Saturday.
Or, maybe, its congratulations.
"You know that thing that happens all the time, where your penis is just so big it prevents you from winning a medal at the Olympics?"
I know, right?
Same!
And that’s what happened to our brother, French pole vaulter Anthony Ammirati on Saturday at the Paris Games.
The 21-year-old was attempting to clear a 5.70m bar when God got in the way.
The pole vaulter appeared to have propelled past the height of the bar, but when he contorted his body around, he didn’t, apparently, give enough clearance for his, um, entire member to clear it entirely.
A slow-motion video that, if we’re being honest, deserves Oscar consideration for best short film, reveals that, as Ammirati was falling back to the ground, the bulge in his spandex caught the bar. (If I had a nickel, amiright?)
I’m waiting for someone to edit it with a Looney Tunes-esque “ba-oing” sound effect.
Ammirati ended up finishing 12th in his qualifying group, but, based on what I’ve seen on social media, has won the gold medal in going viral.
“When you’re about to win an Olympic medal but your massive d*ck gets in the way while the whole world watches in slow motion, that's embarassing!” one user on X wrote.
