Shades of Biblical Plague!

 Billions of cicadas are set to surface this spring as two different

broods — one that appears every 13 years... and another every 17

years — as they emerge simultaneously! 

The 13-year group, known as Brood XIX, or the Great Southern 

Brood is the largest periodical cicada brood, stretching across the 

southeastern United States. 

“It’s rare that we see this size of double brood emergence,” said Dr. Jonathan Larson, an extension entomologist and assistant professor at the University of Kentucky. “We’re talking about an absolute oddity of nature, one of America’s coolest insects.” he said!

Meanwhile, the Northern Illinois Brood, or Brood XIII, emerges every 17 years, but that coincides with the other group this year!.

Though the idea of a cicadapocalypse may seem foreboding, experts predict that the two broods won’t overlap significantly, and the bugs themselves, while loud and numerous, are harmless. (?)

It's just that the damned things are EVERYWHERE!

Biblical Plague Ready to Strike United States!

The next few weeks will be a terrible time to live in the north-east United States since God is about to unleash a plague on the Republicans for their evil ways! 

For 17 years, cicadas do very little. They hang out in the ground, sucking sugar out of tree roots. Then, following this absurdly long hibernation, they emerge from the ground, sprout wings, make a ton of noise, have sex, and die within a few weeks. Their orphan progeny will then return to the ground and live the next 17 years in silence.

Over the next several weeks, billions of mid-Atlantic cicadas will hear the call of spring and emerge from their cozy bunkers. This year’s group, born in 2004, is known as Brood X. They’ll start their journey to the surface when soil temperatures reach around 64 degrees Fahrenheit.

Fortunately, as you can see from the map, there will be no cicada's in Canada as the Customs Services closed the entire border and wouldn't let them into the country!