Sunday Morning Funnies!

 Ed and Sherry met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Sherry to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums.  Ed became convinced that Sherry was indeed his soul mate and true love.
Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Sherry to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said,

"I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage.

So, before I ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf.
If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now."

Sherry took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."

Ed said, "You're probably not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

***

A little boy was attending his first wedding.

After the service, his cousin asked him,

"How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen," the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.

"How do you know that?"

"Easy," the little boy said.

"All you have to do is add it up, like the pastor said,

4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

***

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother,

"Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up."

"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"

"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway,

And I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."

***

A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.

"How do you know what to say?" he asked.

"Why, God tells me."

"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

***

A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on.

Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered,

"Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

***

Ms. Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories.

She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane,

So she asked him which story it was meant to represent.

"The Flight to Egypt ," was his reply.

Pointing at each figure, Ms. Terri said,

"That must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus.

But who's the fourth person?"

"Oh, that's Pontius - the pilot!"

***

The Sunday School Teacher asks,

"Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"

"No ma'am," little Johnny replies, I don't have to.

My mom is a good cook."

***

This is the best one.

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story.

From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek.

She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.

Finally, she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"

"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."

"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"

"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."

Feeling their respective faces again, she observed,

"God's getting better at it, isn't he ?"